II SAMUEL 13:1-19 Lesson # 14
FICKLE FEELINGS AND FRIVOLOUS FRIENDS
I. Introduction:
Q Do you remember your first childhood crush? What was her/his name?
An = Encourage a few to give a few stories.
Q Did you marry that person?
Q Did you think your feelings for that person would last for ever? Were your feelings fickle?
Note: Today we are going to look at the issue of feelings. The story is one that could be told in any age and in any culture. It is truly a universal story.
II. Setting the Scene: Introduction of the Key Characters. II Samuel 13:1-3
Note: Our chapter today will open with “Now it was after this” or “In the course of time”, depending on your translation, which lets the reader know that what will be shared about the reign of King David’s heralded kingship is tied to what happened in the “Bathsheba Incident”. Remember, >> II Samuel 12:10: “…the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised Me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.” This story begins the fulfillment of that judgment. No matter who we are, or how gifted and loved by God we are, we are not above the judgment of God, if we harm others when we have power.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:1-3.
Q We are introduced to three characters here: who are they?
An = Tamar, Amnon and Jonadab.
Q What do we learn about Tamar?
An = Tamar: beautiful, brother to Absalom who is a son of David. Actually, Absalom is second in line to the throne. Absalom was famous for his physical attractiveness and his sister seems to be much like him.
Q What do we learn about Amnon?
An = Amnon: in love with Tamar, was so frustrated with love that he made himself sick. He also is a son of David, and he is the “crown prince”, the first in line to the throne. This is like being a promising Senator in the US Senate or a popular Governor of California or Vice President of the US. Amnon had a great future in front of him. He was in line for the top spot in his entire area. He was not only in line; he was first in line.
Q What do we learn about Jonadab?
An = Jonadab: a friend of Amnon, son of Shimeah, David’s brother and is said to be very shrewd or wise. The Hebrew word here is “wise”, but it is a neutral term in Hebrew meaning insightful or skillful. One can use their ability for good or for evil.
Q Why is Amnon said to be sick? Why has love made him so?
An = This is such a common thing. I think we have all seen or personally experienced such feelings as young men. Here though Amnon’s sickness is that he could not even get to this girl, because she was a virgin and in those societies young girls were carefully guarded. Other eras or other cultures are much more protective than the American culture is with its young girls. Q As “crown prince”, heir to the greatest throne in the region, was he able to get what he wanted?
An = No, and neither was Adam and Eve’s son Cain. It was Cain who killed his brother, because he “faced limits” or was told “no” by God when he sacrificed.
III. The Scene Proper: The Powerful Take What They Want. II Samuel 13:4-17.
A. Setting Up the Plot to Acquire: II Samuel 13:4-7.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:4-5.
Q What kind of friend is Jonadab?
An = Seemingly a solicitous one. He wants to know why the crown prince, a “king’s son” is so continuously haggard. He also gives his friend a solution to his dilemma.
Q What is the solution?
An = Pretend to be ill and use sickness as a ploy to get near the girl. It seems harmless enough, but it uses a terrible weapon: “a lie”. Jonadab counsels his friend to use deceit to gain what he wants, to pretend to be sick and to use people’s sympathy. It disarms people’s suspicions and girls like mothering strong men. Jonadab is indeed shrewd or wise. He understands what is happening and how people react.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:6-7.
Q Does the plot work?
An = Yes, it appears to be working fine. Amnon has obtained royal permission to personally see Tamar in his own home.
Note: David is “used” to help a young man get alone with an unsuspecting female. He is being used for an underhanded purpose without his knowledge.
Q Who did David “use” without his knowledge to further David’s schemes when he had a problem with a woman?
An = David “used” Uriah. Uriah was manipulated to cover up David’s sleeping with Uriah’s wife. When that did not work, then David had Uriah carry his own “death warrant” to the battle front. David the “user” has just been “used”.
Note: The Books of Samuel are carefully written and often the author sends subtle messages just by his choice of words. Some of this is lost in an English translation but there is enough that comes through to show you something here. In verses 2,5,6, and 8 there is play on the words “see” and “eyes”. In each of these verses is the phrase “in his eyes” and all of them refer to Amnon. Twice, in verses 5 and 6, the word “see” is applied to David. “Eyes” or the words “to see” are used literally to mean “to see” as well as figuratively to refer “to being perceptive”. David goes “to see” his son, but he does not “perceive” what his son is up to. Amnon, “in his eyes”, cannot get to Tamar and wants her present “before his eyes”, but he does not really perceive her. Amnon does not really “see” her as a person, as we shall soon see.
Q Can a man (or a woman) be in love with love and not really in love with the object they think they are in love with?
An = Think back when you were in love.
Q To those who are married: is real love more than the infatuation of courtship love or sexual attraction?
An = The latter is certainly a good and positive thing, but we can want to see someone real bad and not really understand who is before us.
B. The Goal Of The Plot Achieved, But More Is Wanted: II Samuel 13:8-17.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:8-9.
Q The goal of the plot was to be near Tamar, but how was the entire plot based?
An = On a lie.
Q What happens in 13:8?
An = In 13:8 the goal was achieved. Tamar is before his eyes, personally serving. She seems to enjoy being of help to someone else. Seven verbs are used to describe her action. She is working and serving. She is positively active. He is not satisfied with “seeing her”, he wants more, so he refuses to eat and wants everyone out of his way.
Q Does Amnon work? Is it manly to not work?
An = All we have seen Amnon do is pine away with “love-sickness” and lie about pretending to be sick. Playing sick is an effective ploy to get a woman’s attention. Women are often naturally sympathetic to illness. But to “play at being sick” is unmanly.
Q What should Amnon have been doing?
An = He should have been standing, not lying about, working, fighting, etc. If you “lie” and do not tell the truth and then “lie about” all the time, such leisure, tied to deceit, can be dangerous. Amnon wants to be alone with a woman he has not “earned the right” to be around.
Q Was David at work when he sinned with Bathsheba?
An = No! He was in the capital when all the men were at war.
Q Was Adam made to work in the garden before they sinned or after?
An = Have everyone turn to Genesis 2:15. >> Have someone read Genesis 2:15. Adam was given work to do “in paradise”.
C. Amnon’s Advances and Tamar’s Response: II Samuel 13:10-13.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:10-11.
Q Is she still unsuspecting when she brings the cakes in with her?
An = He then tells her exacting what he wants and it isn’t cake.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:12-13.
Q Sometimes women send mixed signals, is Tamar clear about whether she wants sex or not?
An = Yes, she is. She tells him in clear terms: No. She tells him twice.
Q What kind of reasons does she give him for not acting with his glands?
An = I believe she gives him four reasons. 1) This action is beneath the behavior of an Israelite or what it means to be part of the believing community. It is a wicked thing. 2) She appeals to his supposed love for her. She asks him to consider her situation. Certainly, a man truly in love would be moved by such a plea. 3) She appeals to his sense of dignity, she does not want him to be like a fool. 4) She does not reject him or try to wound his pride. She holds out hope. She is not trying to put him down.
Note: It is debatable whether David would consented to such a marriage (Leviticus 18:9,11; 20:17; Deuteronomy 27:22) according to Mosaic law, but then Abraham was married to his half-sister. What is key is that she held out hope for him and did not reject him.
Q Is she presented as an intelligent and thinking women?
An = She was more than beautiful.
D. Amnon’s Double Refusal: II Samuel 13:14-17.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:14.
Q Did Amnon listen to her?
An = No, he did not. Instead, he used his strength and power to force her and he raped her. He did what his Father David did. He clearly abused his power. David used his power as king to fulfill and cover up his lust and now his son has used his power as the king’s son to maneuver this girl into his room and then used his physical strength to rape her.
Note: Oswald Chambers says the way to determine between lust and love is that love can wait seven years, but lust cannot wait seven minutes. Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, but Amnon would not wait at all.
Note: Again the author sends some subtle messages through the use of “key words”. In verses 2,4,5,6,7,8,10,11,12 there are clear uses of the word brother or sister. Amnon, Jonadab, David the narrator, and Tamar consistently voice the fact this relationship would be incestuous.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:15-17.
Q Why the hatred?
An = The text does not say. It leaves it up to us.
Note: He then wants nothing to do with her and sends her away.
Q Does Tamar try to “reason” with Amnon again?
An = Yes, she does in verse 16.
Q Does Amnon listen?
An = No! Amnon has good eyes for Tamar (2,5,6,8) but bad ears (14,16). He then refers to her not as his sister, not as a princess, not as his lover, not by her name but as “this woman”. Gordon, p. 263, says such a reference to this vulnerable, hurting and violated girl is “utter callousness”.
>>>> Have someone read II Samuel 13:18-19.
Q How does the girl react?
An = She is devastated. She is literally thrown out of his bedroom and five verbs are used to describe her grieving in 13:19.
Q How does this ending make you feel?
Q Did the author or narrator want you to feel this way?
An = Yes, he did. He wants you to be horrified with what was done to this girl. This is the author’s deliberate attempt to show how unfair and unreasonable rape is. Rape is an abuse of power.
Q Does Amnon get away with it? Does he suffer?
An = He seemingly does. If he feels anything besides hatred and revulsion at her presence we are not told. However, the story is not over. Often in the short run it appears that the oppressor gets away with their tyrannical acts, and the victims pay all the consequences.
Again, the Bible wants to you to feel this and experience such feelings, so that we realize that this is how it often appears to those who have been the recipient of such brutality.
Next week we will see though that “God is not mocked”.